Martin Get's A Makeover

For those of you who have followed my blog you may remember this guy from some years past. He's also featured in the "Stories" section of my website. Last month I decided to revisit ole' Martin and give him a proper portrait. Please enjoy his story written by my friend Aaron Greyson, and stick around to the end to see the original portrait from June 2010. 

The Hated World of Martin M. Martins

Martin M. Martins, fourth earl of North Northbridge, hated his family. He hated his lazy brother, his humpbacked sister, his dead father, and his dying mother. He also hated his house, most shoes, and the color green. He hated that he hated his stupid breakfast because he knew he had to eat it or his dying mother would get after him (again) for hating everything in his world, which was, Martin M. Martins thought, a typical example of her insufferable penchant for over-exaggeration. "I do not hate everything, mother," he would hiss at the bed-ridden woman through his wooden teeth (the real ones fell out because he hated brushing), "I simply do not understand why one should abase oneself with fictitious happiness when said emotion is, as I've told you before, a construct born of our unwillingness to admit that there is no such thing as love." At this point, his mother would usually tell him to "Go shit in the sea, you sour little man," which only reminded him how much he hated being little.

If there was one thing which Martin M. Martins, fourth earl of North Northbridge, hated more than anything else in the entire world, it was shopping. Nevertheless, shop he must, at least for food, such as eel, which he hated slightly less than other food, such as rabbit. In fact, he was actually looking forward to a nice boiled eel served with a side of pickled cabbage when he walked smack into a woman older than his hated mother, with skin drier than his hated father, a back humpier than his hated sister, and an eye lazier than his hated brother. "Get the hell out of my way, you ruddy crone," he grumbled as unpleasantly as he could. Yet, despite the gypsy's warts and fleas, Martin M. Martins' face twitched into what might pass as a grin of genuine joy for the old witch smelled of cabbage - nay, pickled cabbage. And though her years might be as long as her crooked nose, the hag's eyes were as keen as a headsman's axe.

"Ye codgery ol' bag'o'hate," she hissed at him, "Be ye so 'fraid o'love and happ'ness ye cannae admitit t'yer lonesome self?" She raised a skeletal finger, knobbed, gnarled, and twisted as the devil's horny backbone, fixing the hateful man in it's bony sights, and pronounced her curse: "Yer joy shall evermore follow ye 'round, undisguis'ble, bright as the day is long." She then turned from Martin M. Martins, fourth earl of North Northbridge, who was so relieved to be rid of that hated she-devil that he actually did allow himself a full smile (though it looked more like a grimace, I can assure you). No sooner did his face crease than, to his surprise and what would turn out to be his eternal consternation, a butterfly, bright as the day is long, alighted on shoulder.

Darth Paul

I'd like to note that the above image does not reflect any personal or negative feelings I have towards my Grandfather. I'm just a big fan of puns.

Body Art

Have you ever really looked into the world of competitive body building? It's a very strange place and at the same time totally fascinating. I couldn't help but draw one of them. 

Kithaba the Sailor Man

I feel like I gave you guys a fair warning that you might start seeing portraits of the background creatures from Return of the Jedi on here. Well that time has now come to pass! This is Kithaba, a Klatoonian from Jabba's skiff in Return of the Jedi (I had to look part of that info up). As you can see, instead of his usual garb I decided to dress him up as an American sailor from the 1940s. Between you and me I think he wears it quite well. Just look out for him when he's on shore leave. 

Which breed of dog do you think he was inspired by? My guess is Boxer.

Coloring Book Page #2

Followers of my old blog may recognize this gent from a drawing I did several years ago. Well now you have the opportunity to color him in any way you want! All you have to do is download this image, print it up, and break out the crayolas. This continues my giveaway of coloring book pages I have drawn that will never be used for anything else. 

If you DO end up coloring this guy in and want to share it with me send a scan or photo to beardedmaladies@gmail.com or instagram it and tag me in the picture @ischraer. I'd love to see your work and I'll even post it up on the blog. Do it!

Stay tuned for even more free coloring book pages to satisfy your artistic whimsy. 

Free Coloring Book Page!

Hey everybody! I've been hard at work on various projects and as you know I've been creating a lot of coloring book images lately. I've created so many infact, that we simply can't use all of them, so I decided to post the extras here and give them away for free!

Please feel free to download this image and color it in at your leisure, and if you find the time I'd love to see your work! You can email pictures or scans to me at beardedmaladies@gmail.com or take an instagram and tag me in it @ischraer. Also keep checking back here in the next few days because I have a handful more of these that I'm going to post.

E.T.(ree's Lounge)

"I haven't phoned home in years. Don't think I have one to go back to."

Remember that ultra depressing Steve Buscemi movie from the 90s (Tree's Lounge) where he plays an alcoholic? As I sat down to draw E.T. last night, like I sometimes do, I realized that he started resembling a down on his luck Steve Buscemi, so I gave him a cigarette a blue background to complete the scene. 

It sure was a nice break to draw something quick and fun since the majority of the work I've been doing the past few months has been so precise and line based. Hoping to do more like this in the future of some of my other favorite creatures. Any suggestions?

Walrus Murray

Recently there were some delightful pictures of Bill Murray floating around the internet and I was inspired to sketch one of them out. 

I realize it has been a month since my last post which is CRAZY, so I'm going to try and be better about posting new arts on here. Fortunately I have a good reason for my long absence. Last month I signed a contract with my friend Ari Cohen of Advanced Style fame to officially publish our Advanced Style Coloring Book with powerHouse Books. I've been hard at work on 10 new drawings for this edition (I've actually done 17 so we can have a bigger pot to choose from) but unfortunately I can't share them with you guys until the book is published!

So sit tight everyone because more art is coming your way.

Happy belated new year!

Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I've posted, and I honestly have no excuse, but with new years come new opportunities. The Advanced Style Coloring Book turned out to be a big success! We sold out of our limited run of 150 in just under 24 hours. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who bought one and supported the project. There are plans a'brewing to keep that project afloat, but unfortunately I can't say much more than that right now.

Due to the holidays, I've taken a minor leave of absence from creating art, but I'm rested and ready to hop back on that train. I've had a lot of ideas brewing in the interim and I can't wait to get started on them.

For now I'll be posting some images that I've been storing up for a few months. Starting with this one!

"Look away.... I'm hideous!"

This is a drawing that I did for Stephanie as part of her birthday present back in December. It's of Kramer when he starts a smoking club in his apartment and ages 30 years in a matter of days. When Jerry brings this to his attention he describes himself as "craggly" and "crinkly"(hence the title). You can enjoy the clip HERE.